Scared Beyond Belief

I just got the scariest news in months. I have a thirty year old sister. She has always been my kid sister although we are only 18 months apart. She is currently 6 months pregnant with her third child.

My father called me on my cell phone and asked, "Got a minute to talk?"
"Sure, what can I do for you?"
"Have you talked to your younger sister?"
"No, how is the newest grandchild coming along, old man?"
"Well that is part of why I called. The baby appears to have a heart defect like her sister did."
"Are they going in to check status then?" (My sister had some intensive testing done on her second pregnancy)
"No, they can't."
"Why?"
"Well, your sister is going to have a full mastectomy on Monday. Your sister has breast cancer."

Cancer. Crap. Not again. I can't lose another family member to that horrible disease. My dad's sister was dead within a short time after I was born from the killer. My mom was ripped from our family when I was a senior in high school. Sure I am a little older now, but my sister isn't old enough for cancer.

"Nothing to say is there?"
"No not really. Can you tell us what hospital she is in so that we can send flowers?"
"Sure thing son. It's not as bad as last time."
"Sure thing Dad."
"Ok love you, and we will talk soon"
"Righto love you too."
"Bye"
"Bye"

Now, what the heck can I do with myself. Just waiting. Biding my time until the call Monday. Probably shouldn't obsess with it, but considering how it effected me back in October of 1991 (my senior year), I don't know what else to do. I want to scream and cry, but instead I will fast and pray.

I read an article today on a great man of faith who realized that his life was not what it could have been, so he relieved himself of all guilt, shame, pride, and humbled himself. "If I can just make it through this, I will sacrifice it all for His work." He became one of the most outspoken members of our church and one of the most vocal on sacrifice that can be offered in His name. I believe I may have just found my new mantra for this episode. "If we all just make it through this, we will make that 100% sacrifice that He asks for."

People often say that if a challenge is placed before you, you did something to deserve it or you need it in order to grow. I don't think that is always true. As another article I read today said. "Trust that Heavenly Father is a God of love and does not delight in punishing you."

Blondie, you don't deserve this. You don't need it, but you are strong enough to get through it.